Review

Romantically Speaking: Where Dialogue is as Corny as Corn-on-the-Cobbler

If Hallmark movies were a fruitcake, 'Romantically Speaking' would undoubtedly be their candied cherry on top. This 2015 cinematic experience serves up a delightful platter of romance, predictability, and cringeworthy dialogue that can only be likened to the kind of banter you'd exchange with your favorite automated customer service line.

Jenna, our plucky protagonist, works as a communication expert with nary a backbone in sight, making her the perfect Hallmark heroine. After all, what's a Hallmark movie without a loveable but painfully predictable leading lady? She finds herself entangled in a romance with not one, but two men who make David Hasselhoff’s acting seem nuanced and complex.

The film manages to wedge every cliché from Hallmark holiday movies into a runtime so efficient, even Santa's elves are taking notes. Talking to a pet about your love life? Check. Lingering, meaningful glances over hot cocoa? Double check. A "will they or won't they" plot as obvious as an ugly Christmas sweater? Triple check, because subtleness is clearly overrated.

The dialogue feels like it was ripped straight from the worn pages of your grandmother's favorite greeting card. When these characters talk about love, it’s as though they're reading from a script. Oh wait, they are! But gosh, even that feels generously optimistic.

'Romantically Speaking' is best enjoyed with a frozen pizza and a glass of cheap wine – because your senses and your budget will need consoling. This flick may not be the deepest love story in the deck, but it sure knows how to deal the cheese. Besides, isn’t it comforting to know that the real lesson here is that love is only a poorly written greeting card away?

In essence, 'Romantically Speaking' bridges the gap between guilty pleasure and straight-up cinematic penance, leaving you wondering, "Did I just watch a Hallmark movie, or did a Hallmark movie watch me?"